Over the past few weeks i have felt so very sad, don't feel like getting into the Christmas spirit, i think that is normal under the circumstances. You just keep thinking about the past, this time last year and what should have been, that is Jess here and well. It is now 4 years since Jess had her first operation, she had her line put in, a biopsy on her liver and her bone marrow checked. This was a straight forward op that should only have taken an hour and a half. It ended up taking nearly 5 hours, i can remember the awful loss of control feeling that i had when they took Jess into theatre. I had watch her go to sleep, it was awful my child having to go through all of this. After the op she was really poorly, they had damaged the wall of her heart and also her blood was not clotting properly, so they had to give her drips of plasma a blood product. A few days after this we found out the type of cancer Jess had. They then operated on the 21st December 04, to remove the tumour it took 10 hours. We spent the whole of our xmas in Birmingham Children's Hospital. The staff there were very good, even Santa came to bring Jess some presents, one of the male nurses dressed up and bought Jess a big sack of presents in the early hours of Christmas morning. Jess was on a lot of pain killers, these made her quite high, but she just sat there with a big grin as she opened all her gifts. For her dinner on Christmas she ate a pot noddle. I have got Jess lots of presents, i think that this helps me too, i know that she will be around me to see what i have got her. The people who have made the stone, are saying that they won't repair it, i have sent photo's of the damage, but it may end up that i have to go to the small claims court, i will if they don't do the right thing