I STILL THINK OF JESS MOST OF THE TIME, I DON'T THINK THEY WILL EVER BE ANY TIME THAT SHE IS NOT IN MY THOUGHTS. OVER THE PAST WEEK THE AWFULNESS OF EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED HAS HIT ME A TIMES LIKE SOMEONE IS REALLY PULLING AT MY HEART, I HAVE CRIED SEVERAL TIMES WHEN I HAVE BEEN OUT IN TOWN AND WALKING THE DOG. IT JUST OVERWHELMS ME AND I CANNOT HOLD BACK THE TEARS. THIS IS HOW I FEEL CONSTANTLY TRYING TO STOP THE TEARS FROM FLOWING, SOMETIMES I FEEL THAT THIS SADNESS WILL COMPLETLY TAKE ME OVER, BUT I HAVE TO BE STRONG FOR NAOMI, SHE ONLY HAS ME AND I LOVE HER TOO. ANYONE WHO SAYS TO ME THAT I WILL FEEL BETTER IN TIME, HOW CAN I? WOULD THEY JUST BE ABLE TO GET ON WITH IT IF THEY HAD LOST THEIR CHILD? I KNOW THAT THIS WILL NEVER LEAVE ME AND YES I WILL CRY AT TIMES, BUT THAT IS BECAUSE I STILL LOVE MY JESS AND SHE CAN NEVER BE REPLACED. BUT I ALSO KNOW THAT I WILL HAVE SOME BETTER TIMES, NAOMI IS HERE STILL AND I AM ALSO SO PROUD OF HER, SHE MISSES HER SISTER TOO. NA IS LOOKING FORWARD TO STARTING COLLEGE IN SEPTEMBER AND MAKING NEW FRIENDS, I THINK THIS WILL DO HER GOOD. I WILL ALSO RETURN TO MY JOB AS A LECTURER ON THE 1ST OF SEPTEMBER. I HAVE ALSO ORDERED THE MEMORIAL STONE IT IS VERY EXPENSIVE, BUT IT IS THE RIGHT ONE FOR JESS, I KNOW SHE WILL BE HAPPY AND PROUD WHEN IT GOES UP, IT WILL TAKE A FEW MONTHS TO BE MADE.