IT IS NOW THE 10TH OF SEPTEMBER, I HAVE BEEN BACK AT WORK FOR 2 WEEKS, ITS VERY HARD TO FOCUS AND AS I HAVE SAID I AM MADE TO FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE, BUT I WILL NOT LET THIS BOTHER ME AS THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN HAS ALREADY HAPPENED. I STILL VISIT DANESCOUT, WHERE JESS IS BURIED, EVERYDAY, ICHECK THAT EVERYTHING IS OK AND READ TO JESS IF IT IS NOT RAINING. I JUST WANT JESS TO KNOW THAT I STILL LOVE HER AND CARE SO MUCH, ITS JUST SO HARD WITHOUT HER HERE. MYSELF AND HER SISTER ARE FINDING THAT WE ARE CRYING MORE AND NORE, THE PAIN WILL NEVER GET BETTER, IT JUST GETS MORE REAL BY THE DAY. I THINK THAT IN TIME THE PAIN WILL STILL BE THERE, YOU JUST LEARN TO CONTROL YOUR TEARS AS THIS IS WHAT YOU NOW HAVE TO LIVE WITH. I KNOW I HAVE TO CARRY ON FOR NAOMI, SHE WOULD BE ON HER OWN IF ANYTHING HAPPENED TO ME, HER DAD HAS SHOWN HER NOT ONE BIT OF LOVE THROUGH ALL THIS, BUT THEN HE NEVER BOTHERED WITH EITHER OF THEM REALLY, EVEN WHEN HE NEW JESS HAD CANCER. IT IS MY BIRTHDAY NEXT WEEK, THAT WILL BE HARD AS JESS ALWAYS MADE SUCH AN EFFORT ON IT. NAOMI WANTS TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH ME, WE CAN BOTH BE OURSELVES WITHOUT ANY ACTS. IT WILL BE NICE TO JUST BE TOGETHER. I KNOW THAT JESS WILL BE THERE TOO, I FEEL THAT SHE IS WITH ME AT TIMES, LOOKING OUT FOR ME. WELL SHE IS AN ANGEL NOW.